The Myths Around Grief Series: Myth 5 "Be Strong for Others"
Good morning, dear reader! ☀️🍵
I hope wherever you are right now, my friend, that you're snuggled up and off to a wonderfully slow and thoughtful start this Saturday morning.
And if you're coming to this email later in the day, or mid-week after some hustle + bustle, my hope is that this email brings you a little bit of P A U S E. 😮💨
A moment to take a deep breath in + out and remember what really matters:
That you're more okay than you know.
That you're capable + talented.
That someone loves you.
That you're never alone.
That you're beautifully human, mistakes + all.
That none of us are perfect.
We're all just doing our best.
There is grace for you.
There is grace for me.
THERE. IS. G R A C E.
Sigh into that truth this Saturday morning or whenever you read these words.
Read them again if you forget. 👀
Go slowly over each phrase + thought.
They hold a lot of power + truth if we're willing to accept them. 🤲🏾
So accept them, friend. Accept them.
I want to jump back in to our myths around grief this weekend.
First, by way of quick recap, we've talked about the following myths:
1️⃣ Don't feel bad,
2️⃣ Replace the loss,
3️⃣ Grieve alone, and
4️⃣ Just give it time.
Go back and read whatever you've missed! There's golden nuggets in the emails above.
Today, though, we're diving into myth #5: be strong for others.
We’ve all heard it before:
💪“Stay strong; you'll get through this.”
💪“Your kids need you.”
💪 “You’re the rock for our family.” 🪨
I mean, these statements sound okay, right? 🤷🏼♂️
Maybe they even hold a kernel of truth.
But…
🤷🏼♀️ What value do they bring?
🤷🏼♀️ Are they helpful when someone is in wild waves of grief?
🤷🏼♀️ What happens when being strong for others turns into ignoring your own pain?
🤷🏼♀️ What happens when “being strong” becomes a mask that hides your true emotions?
What happens when we just keep calm + carry on?!
That’s where things get dangerous. 🫣
The myth I'm busting through this week is the widely accepted—but FALSE—belief that strength means holding it all together all the time.
… that shedding tears or showing sadness is somehow a sign of weakness. 😢
Well, that's a big, fat lie. 🤥
Real strength is found in embracing our humanity, not not denying it.
But I said above that I believe masking or suppressing our feelings isn't just “less than ideal,” but dangerous.
Why dangerous?
Because when we don the mask of a “brave face” for the sake of making someone feel better, we bottle up our feelings, moving our heart to the back burner.
Sometimes life doesn't give us a choice, but it's so easy to use that a reason to never put ourselves first.
And all of that pent up energy needs somewhere to go. 😬
It simmers under the surface, making us feel more and more isolated, more and more drained. 😩
Not only that, those bottled up negative feelings lower our immune system + put our brain into a chronic state of fight or flight.
There's so much data to support the harmful ways unprocessed grief affects the body and how dangerous that affect can be over time.
But what you, dear reader, need to know is this: Grief doesn't go away if we just shove it down.
Grief doesn't ask us to keep calm + carry on.
It asks us to be real and cry it out! 😭
Literally, for our own health! ❤️🩹
Once we allow ourselves to express the pain we're was feeling, that's when relief starts to find us.
Tears don't make us weak. They make us human. 🫂
And they're a necessary part of the healing process.
Our tears—or whatever safe emotional expression that works for us—don't solve everything overnight, but they are first step toward real healing. 👣
So if you’re holding back those tears, trying to be the “strong” one, I’m here to remind you: strength isn’t about hiding your pain.
It’s about acknowledging it, feeling it, and moving through it.
Take some time today to let those emotions out.
Journal, talk to a friend, or just sit quietly with your feelings. And if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.
Let’s redefine what strength really looks like, together. 💜