The Myths Around Grief Series: Myth 4 "Just Give it Time”

We just repainted our entryway! And I absolutely LOVE IT! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

But I can't forget how this space used to make me feel sick. 🤢

Seriously, though.

I hated walking into our house… for almost two years.

We bought it from the original owner who'd designed and built it to their specifications. 

Which was great them, but not so much for us.👎🏾

For the first year we lived here, I felt like I was walking into someone else's space.

So many things annoyed me. So many things felt unlike me. But…

We moved in two months after my mom died, which meant I had zero bandwidth for interior design. 😢

So I told myself to “just give it time.” 

In time, I'd love the space. I would settle into it. Time would be on my side and eventually this house would become home, right? 🏡

WRONG. 🙅🏾‍♀️

My feelings never shifted over that first year. 

In fact, as the year went on, I found more and more things to loathe about the house. 😠

But as my grief shifted, I gained more bandwidth to think about our space. 

Finally, I said, “Enough! We have to do something about this. We have to invest into this house, so it feels more like us!”

So that's what we did.  

And this latest update has me wiggling with glee.🤗

I walk into the house refreshed and at home, and that is such great feeling! 🥰

Looking back, though, I can't help but realize that I thought time was on my side with falling in love this with house.

But was it really? 🤷🏾‍♀️

Grief Myth #4: Just Give It Time 

This is my faaaaaaaavorite myth to dispel, y'all, so let's jump right in. 

Time wasn't on my side with the house. 

And time isn't on your side either, boo, with whatever it is you're waiting on to “just get better.” 

😬🫣😬

I know that might feel harsh.

But I don't mean it to be. 🫂

Trust me, this myth is a very hard one for people to accept or look at in a new way.

I always get push back on the very unpopular opinion that I'm about to express, so I'm prepared for the fact that you may be tempted to close out of this email right now. ❌💻

If you're feeling that way, will you just hear me out and read to the end? 🙏🏾

In fact, please feel free to reply to this email with your thoughts. I'd love to help you release that resistance to this truth.

Because what I'm about to share is the truth: 

Time, in and of itself, has zero ability to heal. 

You possess the ability to heal yourself with the time you've been given.

 🤯

Lemme just say that again. ⤵️

You, dear heart, alone possess the power to heal yourself, not time. 

On any of life's varying journeys, but especially with grief, it's what you DO WITH the time that matters most.

Let's go back to my house as an example right quick.

Over the timeframe of year, I took the path of least resistance and just expected my situation with the house to change, but nothing did.

Until I rolled up my sleeves and did the internal and external work required to empower the shift to happen.

My actions brought about the improvement I desired.

Listen, friend, when we let our emotions or situations just sit over time, rarely do they improve. 

Like stagnant water, they actually just fester and become polluted.🦨💨

The key with water—and our emotions—is to get things flowing again. 🌊

Things move again with action.

It's action in time and over time that brings about beauty and healing. ❤️‍🩹

If you scroll up, back to the top section of this email, I said: “…as my grief shifted, I gained more bandwidth to think about our space. 

How did the grief shift?

I did the work. I showed up to it. I leaned into the emotional bandwidth it required. I sat in the feelings. I talked to the right people. 

Shoot! I went through the Grief Recovery Method—aka the same program I guide others through.

I pursued healing—aka took action—over time.

It's a lie to believe that our emotions will dissipate in time without tending to them.

No. Our bodies hold on to all those unprocessed emotions and feelings. Trust.

We must use our time wisely and tend to our hearts, so that we can create the healing we wish to see. ❤️‍🩹

So now it's over to you, my friend.

👉🏾 Is there healing you long to see?

👉🏾 Are you sitting like stagnant water, just hoping time will make it better?

Beautiful heart, time isn't on your side.

But your own self love and courage are. ✨

So take the bold steps. Do the work.

Give the house of your heart a fresh coat of paint, so you can show up in this world inside a home that brings you life + peace.🤍