A Library of Lament ::
A Library of Lament ::
Hello Fellow Griever,
Thank you for visiting my Library of Lament. I hope that the content on this page brings you comfort as you grieve!
Originally created for my church family, this library has a bent toward a faith you may not share. I respect that + hope that my worldview won’t keep you from exploring. Your grief journey is your own. Take what speaks to your heart and leave the rest.
Everything in this library has been healing, helpful, and hope-giving in my own seasons of grief. May they bless you as much as they have blessed me. With love, Hannah ::
Listen in.
The songs below were balm to my broken heart after my mom’s death.
One chorus I have to call out says: “Oh my soul! Remember who you’re talking to. The only One who death bows to. That’s the God that walks with you.”
In your grief, may your soul remember that, too.
“The death of a beloved is an amputation.”
— Madeleine L’Engle
Books for the Griever ::
Unknown
“The opposite of loss is not life. It is love. It is love for the thing lost, not the life of it. The greater the love, the greater the grief.”
C.S. Lewis
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
Getting real about Grief ::
defining grief ::
In the Grief Recovery Method, we define grief as the normal and natural reaction to loss. And as the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.
Unresolved grief ::
Unresolved grief is almost always about the things we wish we’d said or done differently, better, or more.
Unresolved grief happens when we refuse to let go of unmet hopes, dreams, and expectations about the future.
There are 40+ different life events that create grief in our hearts and minds.
Don’t believe me? Extra! Extra! Read all about it here and here.
Grief is both Universal + Unique ::
Grief is universal, because it’s guaranteed to come to us all. Once grief has found you, you’re inducted into a club you didn’t desire or choose. But once you’re in, you’re in. One gift about being in the club though? You can look in the eyes of another club member—even if you’re total strangers… even if you’ve never exchanged words about your losses—and know that you belong.
Simultaneously, every relationship is unique, therefore, every griever is unique. Every loss is individual to us. Only we truly know what we feel. Only we know the depth of what was lost to us. Therefore, we don’t need to compare or minimize our losses. Every and any kind of loss is significant to the griever and everyone grieves at 100% of their ability. It may look different from our own grief, but is nonetheless valid and real.
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
— Jamie Anderson
Podcast Vibes.
Below you’ll find a variety of Podcasts.
Some were a comfort to me after my mom’s death.
Others allowed me to use my voice for healing after my mom’s death.
All have value.
“Grief is the price we pay for love.”
—Queen Elizabeth II
Guidance when talking to Grievers ::
First + FOREMOST, WHEN TALKING TO SOMEONE IN GRIEF…
Lead with your heart and not your head.
Don’t meet their consuming emotional experience with cliched intellectual statements. Grievers have a broken heart, not a broken brain.
Think about how you’d like to be seen + spoken to in your hurt. Then speak from that place.
Please, I beg of you: lead with your heart and not your head.
What not to say ::
“Just give it time.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“God never gives you more than you can handle.”
“God wanted another angel with him in heaven.”
“They’re in a better place now.”
“Time heals all wounds.”
“At least you (can) have other children.”
“Be thankful you had them this long.”
All of these statements—and many, many others—minimize the pain a griever is experiencing and are highly insensitive. They also reinforce toxic cultural myths around grief, myths that need to be done away with not perpetuated.
What you can say ::
“My heart is breaking with yours over your loss.”
“I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but I do know I love you. I’m here for you if you ever want to talk.”
“What do you need right now? Whenever you’re ready or able, tell me how I can best support you.”
“If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know. Even if it’s washing your dishes or taking out your trash.”
“There’s no pressure to respond. I just want you to know I’m thinking about you and holding space for you.”
Make your comments emotional, personalized, and open-ended. Lead with love; lead with listening. Take all the pressure off the griever. Make tons of emotional space for them. Hold space for them. This is so crucial it bears repeating: hold space for the griever in your life. Listen with love. Listening is enough. Loving is enough. Just being present is enough.
Remember ::
Grievers aren’t broken, so they don’t need to be fixed.
Grief is normal and natural
Let them process how they need to. As long as it’s not destructive, just offer loving support.
Take your cues from the griever, not from your own grief experiences.
Notice I didn’t encourage you to say: “I’m sorry.” More on that soon!
“When you experience nostalgia, your heart is longing for a more beautiful person than you have ever met or a more beautiful place than you have ever known. What is in fact pulling on your heart strings is the future. It’s heaven… God has placed eternity in our hearts.”
—David Gibson
“Be the things you love the most about the people who are gone.”
—Unknown
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
—Vicki Harrison ::
BOUNDARIES
BOUNDARIES
A Word of Wisdom ::
Hold to your boundaries even as you grieve. In fact, draw them all the more and do no apologize for them.
Drawing boundaries is an act of love toward yourself and others. They can be drawn with kindness and grace.
Clear is kind. It’s okay to ask for what you need as you grieve.
Eric Grollman ::
“The only cure for grief is to grieve.”
Sally Britton ::
“Where are the rules of grief written and who do we offend when we write our own?”
Gift Guide for Grievers Coming Soon ::
Gift Guide for Grievers Coming Soon ::
Thank you so much for exploring my library!
I'd love to hear what resources are your favorite + what books, quotes, songs, etc. have comforted you in your own grief. I want this library to grow!
Email me at heyhey@hannahwachter.com + share what's spoken to you.
Honoring your heart + holding space for you in your grief.
xo,
Hannah ::